04/16/2014 - First Ink
Last February 11, 2014, I had my first tattoo done by no other than the AWESOME Yary Young.
I have always wanted to get a tattoo but was afraid of what to get since it will be permanently etched into my skin until now. You see, I started watching Doctor Who just last year. Yes the whole New Who series from the 1st series to Matt Smith’s last episode. We all know how Doctor Who is a show field with FEELS and EMOTIONS as well as awesome quotes. So, I said to myself I want something that will be a Doctor Who related tattoo as well as a quote from Doctor Who. That’s when I decided to get a Gallifreyan tattoo of one of my favorite quotes from Doctor Who.
"Every lonely monster needs a companion."
This tattoo symbolizes my struggle to find my companion in life. Having experienced two bad relationships as well as a couple rejections, I still haven’t given up in finding that companion that is for me.
Never Will I Forget
This is a super late blog.
Exactly 6 months I surprised the girl that I have adored so much. She has been both my inspiration and a source of personal frustration. Frustration because until now, 6 months after the surprise I did in the video, I still can’t confess to her what I truly feel about her. How I want to get to know her more; how important she is for me; and how I really want to date her.
As you may have guessed, confidence is not my strong suit. I can be confident in a lot of things. But when it comes to the person I adore the most, courage seems to fail me.
Anyway, back to the story here…
Her name is Jeanlyn. Jean for short.
Pardon if I make Doctor Who references for a while but, She is “The Impossible Girl”, “The Only Mystery Worth Solving”.
I met her last year (2012) when I went and seated-in one of my professor’s class. We are in the same department and I’m just a few years ahead of her (academically that is).
Reality is, we are 11 years apart. I’m turning 29 and she just turned 18. Now I know age is just a number, but sometimes people will tell me to look for my own age. PLEASE! How about a NO! I will like who I want.
Well, what happened in this video?
I planned a surprise 18th birthday birthday event for her. Now, the plan was to give her 18 roses each from her friends/classmates and surprise her with the cake. Oh! Before I forgot, She’s allergic to chocolates. So, I search the net looking for cake shops that has cakes other than chocolate but at the same time has a nice presentation to it. Good thing I found Tous Le Jours cake shop. They have different kinds of cakes with different flavors as well. So, a day before the event, I reserved a strawberry cake with a strawberry design for the next day which was the event. Also, while at the mall, I also bought her a book, Fragile Things, from my favorite author, Neil Gaiman. After that, I also reserved a bouquet of 18 roses. This was all executed on June 21st.
June 22nd, the day of the surprise event has finally arrived. I was really feeling nervous and uneasy. A thousand thoughts and possibilities were rushing inside me. I’m thinking too much again. It would have been good if it were positive thoughts. But sometimes, when you’re nervous, the pessimist in you just takes a life of its own. I was thinking what if she doesn’t like it? What if she rejects the surprise? Those kinds of negativity was swinging left and right. I’m just relived that my friends are very supportive and that they calmed me down.
So there I was, flowers,cake and present set. The flower delivery was a bit late but that was okay since the presentation was so nice. So nice that I felt bad destroying the set-up. My friends decided that I should just give the whole bouquet myself.
And, the rest you can see in the video.
Never will I forget this because this is the first time I did a surprise birthday event.
I really want to thank my friends and Jean’s bestfriend, Yary for helping me out in this surprise for her. To Gabby for taking the video, as well editing it. The song rocks by the way [Closer To You (Inch by Inch) by Never The Strangers].
To Jean, I hope you really liked the surprise 18th birthday event. I will always be here for you and that I promise, there will be a day that I will ask if you can talk to me in private and there, I will tell you what my heart speaks to you.
Dream Journal 11/19/2013 (I Dreamed of Her)
I finally had a dream about her. Well, it was not actually automatically about her. It was more like a series of attached dreams where on the final dream, it was about her. The scene was in school. I saw her seating on a corner with Yngrid. She looked quiet and sad. I tried grabbing her attention by waving at her. When she glanced to where I was, she waved back. I asked her if she was ok. She just smiled and nods her head. I asked again if she was sure. She made a so-and-so gesture. By the way, there was no sound, we were talking through lip reading. Finally, I could not take it anymore; I stood up and walked towards her. Yngrid stood up to give some privacy. At the same time, she stood up as well. So there we were, both standing up. I was looking into her eyes, something I have never really done in real life with her, when suddenly she hugged me not to tightly but somewhat like she felt exhausted and sick of something that she just want something or someone to hold her steady. At the same time, I hugged her back. After that I held us closer to each other while saying to her that everything is going to be ok. Our foreheads touched, and as before I was about to kiss her forehead, the alarm went off.
This was one of the most realistic, dreams that I have ever had. It felt so real. Maybe because I wanted to hold her and tell her that everything will be fine. I wanted her to a little more positive about the things that are happening to her. Those things that I wanted to tell her that I can’t are materializing as dreams to me which made me realize that I do cherish her and I want to protect and help her anyway possible that I can.
10 - 10 - 2013 (FEELINGS)
My feelings have been really off this past few days. There were moments that I wanted to quit and give up what I am feeling for that certain person and then there’s that lingering thought that I’m being a coward not showing what I really feel for her and just being honest.
To tell you the truth, I wanted to get to know her better. But I am afraid of even talking to her or having a conversation with her. Both of us were so busy last term that I didn’t feel like bothering her. I just stood there like an idiot thinking to myself if I really should talk to her or just find some other time. I really don’t know.
Right now, my feelings are that I don’t want to give it up. I don’t want to give up not knowing what will happen if I didn’t try. It is a risk as I have said to myself every time. But it is a risk worth taking.
I have never fallen this hard over someone since I have started my MAS life. There were some girls that I have liked only to an extent. Not like this one. There’s something in her other than her beauty and her charm. There’s wit, talent, genius and something else that will surprise you if you do not know her. That is what I have fallen into. And that is the risk I am taking. Biggest concern is what if we stop being friends? What if we become strangers? I don’t want that to happen, honestly.
But whatever happens I am happy I have become part of her life (wishful thinking) as she became part of mine. This is hoping and wishing for the better.